Arguments are bound to happen from time to time but if your house feels like a fighting ring, you may need some communications skills. Here are some tips of how to communicate better:
The holidays are here and we all have expectations that we don’t even realize until they cause conflict. For example, suppose you’re spending your first Christmas together as newlyweds and your spouse just came home with tons of decorations for the house. You’re not only thinking about the budget but you are feeling you haven’t even been consulted about the decorations such as the type, color, placement etc. All of a sudden you are feeling angry and you are not even sure why. Your spouse is thinking this is what he/she has always done and can’t understand why you are so upset.
Christian counseling is distinct from secular counseling in that Christian counselors’ have an absolute standard by which to measure behavior. They see the Bible as the source of all truth. 2Timothy 3:16-17 says, “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” The secular counselor tends to use the latest and newest psychological or secular findings as their standard. These of course can change quickly. A Christian counselor uses the Bible for practical wisdom when it comes to marriage, family and life issues.
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1. Parenting 101 is that you and your spouse are on the same page and give a united front towards your teen or tween. If you disagree iron out your differences before you present guidlines to your child.
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The key to attaining goals is to be SELF DISCIPLINED, but how do we achieve self discipline, especially in the busy, noise filled world we live in? Here are some tips to help you:
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Very often we have some woundedness such as feeling inferior, inadequacy, feeling unworthy, unloved, disregarded, powerless, shame, guilt or feelings of rejection or just some form of hurt. We then want to bring something into the system to make us feel better. For different people it can be different things. It may be perfectionism, anger, retail therapy, drugs, alcohol, gambling, pornography, food, people pleasing, video games, etc etc.
I know I do! However, so often in life, we are faced with the fact that so many things happen that make us feel out of control – a death, a divorce, a medical diagnosis, a job loss, company shutting down, a global pandemic, a tornado that devastates your hometown and destroys homes and businesses. All these instances can bring feelings of fear, doubt, anger, etc. When this happens, sometimes it seems the easiest thing to do is throw up our hands and give up, quit, give in to that sense of helplessness. It can cause us to make decisions based on fear, rather than logic. So, how do we find a way to gain control over something which we have no control? We may not have control over what has happened, but we can control how we CHOOSE to cope and deal with our circumstances.
“Spare the rod and spoil the child.” This is commonly heard, especially in Christian communities… It’s Biblical, scriptural… The NIV version of Proverbs 13:24 states, “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” But what does it mean? I’m not going to debate the issue of whether or not spanking is ok. I think that this is personal decision, and should also be based on what works for your child and your family, within reason of course. What I want to address regarding that passage is overall discipline and how to make discipline work for the good of your family.
As a licensed professional counselor, I am frequently asked the question, “How do I get my teenage daughter/son to talk to me?” As a mother of two teenage girls and a pre-teen boy, I deal with this myself, as well. What I have learned, both in my practice and in my personal experiences, is that children just want to he heard… much like adults do.
Rita Dickson is a licensed Professional Counselor with vast experience in counseling teens and young adults. She is up on all the various issues they face today. Rita can also help parents deal with their stresses because of what their teens are experiencing.
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Laura Hodges is a Licensed Professional Counselor and has worked for Meier Clinic in Virginia as the lead therapist for their Day Program. She designed and was responsible for many of the group therapy programs at Meier Clinic.
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